Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Those nachos came to me in a dream
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
