the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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