Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize