Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Randomize
