New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
Nm. Exausted and my teeth just fell out again
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Randomize
