we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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