Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
My spanish teacher discovered you can watch spanish music videos on youtube. Guess what were doing in class today? Michael Scott Spanish 101
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
JB just got pulled over and I am in the trunk...... this isnt good
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
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