Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
Randomize
