Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
that's right. bitches got laser pointers. let's fuck shit up
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Randomize
