I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
Randomize
