i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
So many bounce houses so little time
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
I would fuck him just for his dog
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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