Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
Good, I've got all this booze. It's intimidating to be in the room alone with it..
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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