I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
