This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
So squirting runs in the family.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Randomize
