I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
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