i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
