Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
