the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
