just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
