no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
Randomize
