Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
