I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
