you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
