Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
