I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
