you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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