I think im going to throw up on grandma
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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