OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
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