You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
