whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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