I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
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