also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
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