very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Randomize
