I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
It was like the Alcoholic Olympics...double fisting fifths with eight 40s in my backpack...running from the cops in stilettos. I will have bitchin' hamstrings come Monday.
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
