you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
