what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
