He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I wont be hard to find. Im wearing a darth vader mask and I have a megaphone.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
