my mouth tastes like poor choices
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize
