During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
