The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
Randomize
