Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
He threw up, and left his credit card next to the puddle. He kept on saying he wanted to pay for the damages.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
Randomize
