I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
I like that you use a Disney movie to describe the starting of our BDSM relationship, lmao
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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