she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Randomize
