Where are you?
In a non slutty way
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
