That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
Randomize
