Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
I am midnight drunk by noon
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
I should put together a new mom basket for her. It would have diapers, vodka, ambien, and tissues for when she cries about her wasted youth.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Randomize
