I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
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