Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
