I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
he thought i was a dude.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
We don't watch enough power rangers
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
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