Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
