So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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