well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
I'll pay you to write the paper but not for sex. You should only get paid for something you work hard at.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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