Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Randomize
