My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Randomize
