I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
I'm sitting on the couch playing the sims, how's ur night going?
I'm sitting on my floor, drinking wine, and listening to bette midlers "wind beneath my wings"
Why are our lives so predictable?
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
Randomize
