He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
is this the sara with the beer cane?
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
