I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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