i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I only call her for sex and medical advice. She admitted she feels like a worried parent when her phone rings at 5 a.m.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Randomize
