And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
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