i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
i think i just lost a toe
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
Randomize
