Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
Randomize
